Optimism vs. reality
Sitting on a plane, looking back at photos on my phone—the suggested ones that pop up on AI-generated albums—I’m reminded of what feels like a fracture.
Sitting on a plane, looking back at photos on my phone—the suggested ones that pop up on AI-generated albums—I’m reminded of what feels like a fracture.
There’s life before the Foreign Service… and there’s after.
My life split into two halves, divided by time, divided by the light in my eyes, the shape of my smile, divided by my change in weight, change in mental and subsequently physical health. Visible and unseen markers of the massive shift in how I perceive and experience life.
They say the first tour is the hardest. It involves the most adjustments and learning. Learning State Department rules, embassy procedures, learning to live with the new normal. As one of my fellow diplomatic spouses once said, they break you down before they build you up.
But more than rebuilding, I’ve found with time, you start feeling dependent on State.
The entity becomes like a parent—dictating your country, city, housing, furniture and tour duration.
You begin to question your personal capacity for adventure beyond its structure.
“Did we really move to London on our own? Would our lives be dull without moving countries every two or three years? How would we figure it all out?”
The blow to confidence is accompanied by the grip of seemingly infinite possibilities with the Foreign Service.
Like an abusive relationship—you feel addicted to the highs and lows, the optimism and hope that things will get better. When you know in reality the foundation is unstable and unhealthy.
“I know the beginning of this posting was tough, but maybe life in Manila will be better.”
Always another tour, always more hopes and possibilities.
You never thought yourself an optimist, but the massive and repeated discrepancy between your private hopes and lived reality make you question just how unrealistic your modest expectations may be.
But still you persevere, day after day, one foot in front of the other.
Here’s to hoping this holiday season brings more clarity and joy to us all.
Yours,
Michelle
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Destination Guides
Hungary | Italy | Romania | United Kingdom | United States
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”
― Steve Jobs, 2005