A season of changing my mind
On adjustments and indecision, Venice's new entry fee, revisiting the Titanic and newly-observed American habits
“Evenings and weekends I worked on re-Americanizing myself. I had half-forgotten how to live in my own country while I spent one fourth of my life blundering around Afghanistan. In my absence everything had changed just slightly—the slang, the food, the music, the clothes, the drugs, the etiquette or such potsherds that still remained of it… Coming home to this country… was like waking from a coma and seeing two moons in the sky.”
-- Charles McCarry, The Shanghai Factor
Life Lately
Since we moved from London to D.C. in January for our first foreign service country assignment and Andrew’s subsequent Romanian language training, I’ve been in a phase of indecision, unlike any other time of my life.
It manifests in all kinds of ways big and small. I’ll buy a pair of pants at the store and absolutely LOVE them, only to get home a few days later and wonder what I was thinking. I have bought and returned so many things in the last four months, my bank card is in a constant flux of charges and credits. Who knows the real balance.
Even with photos on my phone, I change my mind. I’ll take pictures on the weekend when we’re out and about. I’ll plan to share them on my Instagram. Then Monday rolls around and I can’t stand the sight of them. I delete them from my feed so I don’t have to think or be reminded of them anymore.
I’m in a constant state of indecision, and I don’t really know why.
I wonder sometimes if it’s that all my familiar surroundings, our London home, our furnishings, soft beiges and light golds, my frame of reference I’ve spent 33 years building, my preferences and the outward expression of who I am—perhaps it’s their absence that makes me question it all. Here in this temporary apartment with rental furniture not my own, in an American city I honestly don’t want to be in, I’ve had to create new barriers and develop a new sense of self, and I think I’m still figuring out what that is.
It’s weird to realise through the foreign service how much emotional value you place in seemingly mundane objects. It’s only when you’re forced to go without that you realise the fortress of creative expression and reinforcement you’d built around you through your choice of furniture, home and decor. It’s draining to think of life as a diplomatic family where it feels like, to succeed, you must be nearly free of physical attachments as you move from assigned housing to assigned housing, country to country.
It feels like the initial move here and all the items lost were just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to stripping it all back, back to age 20 perhaps when most of your personal items could fit in the trunk of a car.
Learning to live with less—it’s an ongoing process.
What I’m Reading
Venice implemented their new 5 euro fee for day trippers entering the historic city. The fee has been met with support by those who say the charge will help mitigate overtourism, and skepticism by those who argue it turns the renaissance city into a theme park.
Would you trust your vacation planning to AI? More are turning to artificial intelligence to plan their vacation itineraries. Personally, I may use it for ideas/inspiration, but would never leave my entire itinerary up to a computer.
The BBC shared an old video interview with a Titanic shipwreck survivor. Frank Prentice was just 23 when the Titanic sank in the Atlantic. “I should probably dream about it tonight. Have another nightmare…” His retelling is very moving.
What I’m Watching
I really enjoyed watching The Interpreter with Sean Penn and Nicole Kidman over the weekend. This new-to-Netlix movie features a U.N interpreter who gets caught up in an assassination plot targeting a visiting African leader.
Expat Observations of the Week
I thought it may be fun to occasionally include some cultural observations I’ve made lately. I’ll do this periodically when I have some interesting ones to share:
Americans love talking loudly on the phone in grocery stores. The number of people I have witnessed perusing the bakery section or strolling the aisles in my local Safeway while on the phone is astonishing. Can’t the call wait? How do you shop and talk at the same time? I know multitasking is a thing, but is the person on the phone not worthy of your full attention?
North Americans are obsessed with pickleball. This phenomenon happened while we were away. Pickleball attire is everywhere. Pickleball is in movies. You literally cannot escape the American obsession with pickleball. Google Search Trends shows how interest in the sport has exploded since 2021.
Young American women LOVE describing fabric as “buttery,” “like butter” or any other iteration of the yellowy, fatty substance. I know this word has been popular in the past five years or so, but it’s usage seems to have skyrocketed. Can’t we just describe fabric as soft or high-quality? I mean, I understand the connotations of the word “buttery,” but there’s got to be some other vocabulary to expand on this term. It’s so overused now I cringe anytime I hear it.
On the Blog
The first long-form blog I wrote about spending a weekend in Budapest is still one of my favorites. I’m very much looking forward to being back in Eastern Europe later this year when we move to Bucharest! Just about five more months…
That’s all for now! Feel free to comment on anything I mentioned or whatever has been on your mind.
Cheers,
Michelle
@AmericanExpatAbroad